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Murder by Death

I read cozy and historical mysteries, a bit of Paranormal/UF, and to mix it up, I read science and gardening books on occasion.

First-Degree Fudge (Fudge Shop Mystery #1) - DNF

First-Degree Fudge - Christine DeSmet

Can. not. do. it.


I'm not rating this because I couldn't even get past chapter 1.  I tried, really I did.  Perhaps I was in a less-than-tolerant mood, but the writing just isn't for me.  I submit to the jury:


1.  "Oh my gosh golly giddy-ups, I saw Hollywood's voluptuous, von-vivant vixen vamp!"  There are so many things wrong with this sentence including crimes against French.


2.  "Her eyes melted like dark chocolate as an ambrosial smile curved onto her face."  Ambrosial smile?  


am·bro·sial  [am-broh-zhuhl]

1. exceptionally pleasing to taste or smell; especially delicious or fragrant.
I realise it's technically correct, but it so, really doesn't work for me.
3.  The MC shares her fudge shop with her grandfather, who runs a Live Bait and Bobbers shop!  All signs point to a straight face when the author announces that the name of the shop is Oosterling's Live Bait, Bobbers and Belgian Fudge.
In the name of all that is holy, who thinks a live bait and fudge shop is a good idea?!?!
On my best day, I'm not a fan of fudge and I'm never going to willingly go into a LIVE BAIT SHOP to buy any.
Chocolate night-crawler fudge anyone?